3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
porn star boner night. come get it.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
