If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
