you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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