im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
