I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
