I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
