i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
