There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
