so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize