i wish my penis had a tongue
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
