remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
