Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
