And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
