He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
