I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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