Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
