Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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