He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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