someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
