I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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