when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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