No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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