i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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