i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
