wrigley field is MILF paradise
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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