we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
