So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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