It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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