So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
