...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
