They should really pass out barf bags in church
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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