I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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