Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
