oh god the rape fog is back!
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
