I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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