In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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