the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
