he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
