I skipped work to stalk him.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
