i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
