Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize