I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
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