just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize