How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
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