ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
