i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
