Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
