About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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