you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
