so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
