It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
