Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
i out mim tonsoeep
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