Don't make out with my wife yet
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
