Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
