A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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