I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
