I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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