I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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