FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
