you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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