If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Shame - the story of my life.
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