Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
