When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
