in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You were trust falling into bushes
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
