Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
