you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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