Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
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