oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
