Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I can't turn off my feet"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
