nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
