Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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