Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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