I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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