Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
