why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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