I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
