my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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