mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
