You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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