? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
