I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Its about making memories worth repressing
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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