I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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