He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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