I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
