Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he thought i was a dude.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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