remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
