the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
