so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
