You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
operation have a gay friend backfired
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
