Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
