I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
